As Within So Without

One Tip for a Successful Relationship or A Happy Single life 💡

One Must Be Secure In Themselves To Be In A Successful Relationship 

The right relationship will benefit all areas of your life. Finding someone who complements your quirkiness and makes you a more robust and happier individual is a beautiful experience. Real love IS powerful, but it starts with loving yourself first. You hear it all the time, 'love yourself,' and it sounds super-cliche, but every cliche has a truth. We aren't talking about loving yourself egotistically, like how you look and what you do for a career. It is confidence in the "real you" and knowing all your quirky characteristics are your superpower. It's significant self-reflection. You are asking yourself where you are self-sabotaging and putting on a facade. Where are you missing appreciation and gratitude? Where are you placing blame? Do your bad traits have anything to do with the outcome? Do you only want a relationship to fill a void?     

All you need is love

If you don't have a strong sense of self,  it's all too easy to get warped into  social media's illusion that you are not enough and changing your identity, and dating someone equally as attractive will lead to love.  

Changing look makeover

  Dating apps are even scarier. Most are set up for physical attractions, frequently leading to meaningless one-night stands. With a swipe of a finger, your biggest void can be filled for a night or two. If you're lucky, a few months. Too many people are unknowingly getting comfortable with meaningless one-night stands or settling into something toxic to show off that "hot" guy or girl to their friends. And let us not forget the pressure if you hit 30. According to society, a woman in her 30s has absolutely no chance of finding real Love. When in fact, that is a completely fear-based perspective. The average age to have a kid is now 35, and study after study shows that marrying in our 30s decreases the chance of divorce and marriages end up healthier and happier. It makes sense. By our 30s, we are better communicators and educated mentally, physically, and spiritually. We have a stronger understanding of what Love requires. 

  Settling because you just hit thirty is ridiculous. Love doesn't have an age requirement, and it sure as hell isn't a photo shoot for your friends. Love is a commitment to become two stronger individuals that will make your lives and the lives around you better. Love itself is a teacher of many valuable lessons: patience, kindness, unselfishness, and confidence. Corinthians 13:4-13 Love never has been and never will be a way to fill a void. This cycle is very dangerous and rarely has a happy ending. A confident and self-assured person won't fall into these traps. 



The single season of life is the best time to self-reflect. Being single is not something to be embarrassed about. It is a prerequisite to having a strong, loving, and supportive relationship with another individual. Real men LOVE confident women and vice versa.  Confident men/women have better relationships that lead to a SUCCESSFUL marriage not a hormonal, or validating marriage. 
When there isn't a sense of self, the other person becomes more of a therapist than a partner. They must validate you over and over about who they think you are because you really aren't sure of yourself. It is selfish and exhausting. 
You need to show up for yourself first. Prove you can make it alone. Love yourself completely. Know the good, the bad, the ugly, and most importantly, the beautiful. Doing this will protect you from jumping into a codependent relationship, and hey, if a relationship does fail, you know you'll be okay.
Signs That You Still Need to Work on Yourself 

 You are insecure and need consistent validation of how attractive you are.
 You are afraid of doing anything alone. 
 You feel that a relationship is the only way you'll be happy. 
 You find the person you're dating more of a time constraint than a partner. 
 You become an uncontrollable emotional wreck after breakups. 
Growth Requires Discomfort. 
 It will take a lot of introspective work, but I don't know about you, a little work to become a well-rounded partner of value sounds worth it. I would much rather my partner know what they're getting into beforehand and have the reassuring thought that they chose the authentic me-the good, bad, ugly, messy, beautiful me. That itself sounds like a happily ever after. 


Single Life 

Successful Single Woman by Choice. 

 If you should discover that marriage isn't for you and loving yourself  is enough. That's okay too. There are many successful single women you can look up to as role models. Some of the greats of yesterday and today are:

Coco Chanel

 CoCo Chanel

"My life didn’t please me, so I created my life."

Coco is one of the most iconic women who understood the toxicity of being in an unloving relationship. She chose to stay single and built a fashion empire.  She was an incredibly strong-willed woman who was fiercely independent. 


Marianne Williamson

"Nothing binds you except your thoughts; nothing limits you except your fear; and nothing controls you except your beliefs."

While having a background as a self-help teacher since the 90s and Oprah Winfrey's spiritual advisor, Marianne has been single for most of her life. Marianne has developed a strong sense of who she is and the importance of "un-settling" that has allowed her to help millions of people with their own development. 

Jane Austen

"We all have a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be."
The de facto founder of chick-lit, Jane Austen never married, yet she wrote profoundly moving romance novels. The story, ‘First Impressions’ would eventually become one of the most beloved novels of many women, Pride and Prejudice. She is one of the most studied authors today.  

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost